Ed Ahrens, Jr., Esq. writes monthly thought provoking Editorials on mediation. These views are Ed's and do not necessarily reflect those of Florida Mediation Group.

Rarely do I find the need to do a follow-up to an Ed’sitorial. As with most rules, however, there are exceptions.

Judging from the favorable responses we received, my piece, "Civility Is Still in Style," obviously struck a nerve. Good. It can only mean that others agree with my sentiments and have observed similar instances of incivility. Also, the genie now is out of the bottle, and perhaps more attention will be given to the need for civility and, if one cares to split definitional hairs, sociability.

The irony of uncivil behavior is that it is a loser. At the least, it is nonproductive, at worst counterproductive. In other words, it just doesn’t achieve the desired results. The only achievement is one of ego enhancement, or at least the perception of it by the ego’s owner. Nothing pleases a mediator more than a proceeding where attorneys remain cordial, win or lose. How often I have had the pleasure of hearing in caucus a comment, to the effect: "I know Jim is reasonable and fair, and we will be the same." The reference can be to either an attorney or an adjuster. Both are experienced, repeat participants in the mediation process.

Lobbyists are seen by the public, thanks largely to the media, in a negative light. I did some in my previous life, and I can tell you that a lobbyist who steps over the line and is caught lying to a legislator or even another lobbyist can find his feet buried in deep defecation. In some cases, his credibility is destroyed. Also, lobbyists are skilled in the art of social intercourse. After all, they seek to gain favorable legislative treatment in behalf of their principal, and they know they must work with those legislators and other lobbyists in the future. More importantly, the ones I knew enjoyed their work and their association with other lobbyists, regardless of persuasion.

Why should it be different for attorneys and adjusters (perhaps, in some instances, even mediators)? Some attorneys display multiple personalities: one in the presence of his or her client; another in the presence of only opposing counsel; still another when alone with the mediator. For the mediator, it is sometimes difficult to keep track of the roles being played out in these dramatic performances. Whatever happened to being true to one's self and to others, in a word, being natural?

In one instance, the attorney stated in joint session, in a pleasant and conciliatory manner, that he knew his client "could win or lose in trial." In caucus, he loudly bragged he would "destroy" opposing counsel and refused to come off his initial demand. Having been present on both occasions, I can only imagine what his client must have thought about attorneys in general and his in particular.

I have said it before but it is worth repeating, we have but one, short life on earth, and it seems a shame not to enjoy it, at work and at play. In the legal profession, as much or more than any other, we see each other repeatedly. Angering, insulting or exasperating others reflects poorly on the profession and creates "monsters" that can only haunt us in the future.

The end game in negotiating the settlement of a claim should not be simply to "win." The object is to represent your client in a professional manner and, together with opposing counsel, achieve a resolution that is a "win/win" for both sides. It sounds corny, I know, and you have heard the phrase before. But think about the last time you concluded a case and word got back to you that the other attorney bragged about "whipping your a…" (Maybe you said it about someone else?) If you are human, your emotional pendulum swung from anger to self-doubt, and you may have looked forward to a measure of revenge in the next case. All the wrong behavior and reactions. And, if you prevail in that unpredictable arena of legal gladiators, do not gloat. You may lose the next one.

Now, go forth, be professional, love thy neighbor, enjoy what you do, and always take the high road in what, with all its faults, is still the greatest legal system in the world. Do it without hurting your opponent and without compromising your integrity or credibility. And, by the way, mediators are here to help you, so don’t offend them too much. We have thick skins, but don’t push it!

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