Ed Ahrens, Jr., Esq. writes monthly thought provoking Editorials on mediation. These views are Ed's and do not necessarily reflect those of Florida Mediation Group.

"The greater man the greater courtesy." --Alfred, Lord Tennyson

What do students learn in law school that causes some of them to practice law as if they were in a bloody, take-no-prisoners war?

The vast majority of attorneys that come before me in mediation are civil and courteous, to me and to those on the other side of the dispute. Unfortunately, on occasion, I run into one that seems to believe the other side is the enemy to be demoralized and destroyed at any cost. They forget they will meet these folks again, perhaps even on the same side. But memories can be long, and hard, and, at the risk of repeating an old cliché, what comes around often goes around.

I had occasion recently to conduct a mediation at the office of plaintiff’s attorney. I assumed this was at his request and an accommodation to him and his client. The mediation impassed, but the impressions made on me and the defendant’s representative and counsel were more noteworthy.

I arrived early and was escorted to a meeting room. Normally, "guests" are offered coffee or water. Neither was set up in the room, nor did the receptionist offer them. Not a big deal, but a bad start in creating a relaxed, congenial atmosphere. Worse was to come.

Impasse essentially was reached when in caucus with plaintiff and his counsel. (Coffee, etc., was never served or offered to defendant or her counsel.) Plaintiff would not move from his initial figure, and the parties were miles apart. Counsel for plaintiff insisted I call an impasse. I conveyed this information to defendant, and she agreed we were at impasse. Returning to plaintiff’s office, I suggested we conclude the mediation in joint session at which time I could give both sides copies of my report to the court and, of course, my billing statements. He refused and stated he was too busy. To neither mediator nor defendant or her counsel was there a "thank you," "pleased to have worked with you," "maybe we’ll settle the next one," or even a "goodbye." We were left to find our way out, unescorted.

Like most mediators, I have a thick skin, and I understand attorneys can get wrapped up in their cases and become imbued with gladiatorial spirit. Never, however, is there an excuse for being uncivil to others in a mediation, or in any other proceeding or gathering.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy." On the other hand, life and our careers are much too short to have to suffer the long-range stress caused by incivility. We should enjoy what we do, enjoy the opportunity to meet, converse, and engage in spirited debate with others, enjoy the many challenges presented us in this the world’s best legal system—and remember that tomorrow is indeed another day.

(In this case, plaintiff’s refusal to negotiate was based on the belief he had a sure winner, that there was no incentive to compromise, certainly an attorney’s prerogative. Jury trials can be unpredictable. I found out later this jury rendered a "0" verdict for plaintiff. It happens, folks…)

Best wishes for a happy holiday season.

Do you think that Civility is still in style and is necessary for the mediation process? Please let us know your opinion below:
	All parties should be civil and courteous to each other during negotiations.
	The other side is the enemy and should be demoralized and destroyed at any cost.
	The behavior of either party should not affect the negotiations.

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